When My Fellow Military Sealift Command Cadets Casually Boasted About Raping Another Cadet, I Stood-by & Did Nothing. Don’t Be A Bystander Like I Was. Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Up.
*This story was submitted to MLAA through our website’s anonymous contact form. MLAA does not know the identity of the author, who referred to himself pseudonymously as “Bobby Bystander.”
I'm not really sure if this is even my story to tell, but it's been sitting wrong with me for the past 4 years. I was a cadet on an MSC vessel with an absurd number of both cadets and junior officers. We had cadets from 4 of the academies, a majority of which were male.
On the weekends, one of the third mates would usually rent out a penthouse somewhere in town and throw parties. The cadets would spend the night ashore, and typical cadet hijinks would follow, but generally nothing too serious. All was well until one day during lunch. I was sitting at the table when one of the SUNY folks casually said "Yeah [redacted] strait up raped [female cadet] last night at the party."
It was so deadpan and nonchalant I thought it was some sick joke. They picked up on the fact that I was uncomfortable. He looked at me and said "Oh, Bobby here thinks you're joking. No, she was straight up passed out and he dragged her into the bathroom and did his thing."
I was repulsed, but I justified my inaction by telling myself this was a joke. I had never even talked to this other cadet, and I just wanted to do my thing and go home. But reading these accounts on your Instagram has made it clear that some academies are better at sexual assault training and awareness than others, and I'm blessed to have come from one of the schools that gave a shit about it. But even then, I froze.
I feel awful that I was complacent in carrying on this sick tradition in our industry of turning the other way. That poor woman acted different after that weekend, and on top of that, one of the mates gave her a pink pair of shoes, saying "I really like you, and I think you should wear these around."
That poor young woman was getting it from all sides and no one did a damn thing to help. I'm not sure she ever said anything, or if this rape ever actually happened (but judging by how she changed, I'd wager it did). After witnessing this bullshit, now that I'm a grown up and an officer, I'm sure as hell not going to tolerate it going forward. I'm not sure there is anything I can do at this point in this situation, other than share the story, but to any other allies and non-shitbags, and up and coming mariners, I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but don't be a bystander when this shit happens. Do not be afraid because you are young.
Like our friend here running this page is investigating, being blackballed largely seems like a myth. It is a myth used to scare mariners from reporting misconduct and assault. I've never been unemployed, there will always be other jobs for mariners, but your shipmates deserve to work in a safe environment.