20 Years After I Was Raped at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy, the Coast Guard Drug Me Through Operation Fouled Anchor. I’m Not Sure Which Was Worse.
** This letter was written by a U.S. Coast Guard Academy sexual assault survivor to Rear Admiral Keith M. Smith, the Consolidated Disposition Authority for the Fouled Anchor investigation. **
2/6/2019
Dear Admiral Smith,
I am writing to you to share my personal experience in dealing with the CGIS investigation concerning my sexual assault that happened to me while I was attending the United States Coast Guard Academy. I would like to provide you with some history, as well as details of the investigation and my recommendations for improvement.
In 1993, I joined the United States Coast Guard Academy at 17 years of age. Unfortunately, the physical and emotional challenges proved to be quite demanding and my grades suffered the first semester. When returning from Christmas break in 1994 I was moved to a room by myself on the first floor of the barracks so I wouldn’t be distracted by a roommate. In this room, alone, is where I was raped. As you can imagine, this left me both physically and mentally scarred for life.
I immediately had self esteem issues as well as blaming myself for what happened. It left me constantly afraid when “home alone” to the point I lock the doors and then numerous times have to double and triple check that the doors are locked for fear of what might happen. I developed social anxiety, depression, weight gain, stress, gastrointestinal problems, nightmares, difficulty sleeping, as well as many more symptoms associated with sexual assault trauma.
I confided in only one person about my rape, a classmate of mine that had turned in a football player for a physical/sexual assault only months prior. The Academy didn’t even investigate it and her attacker got off with demerits and writing a paper. I saw how she was treated and I decided I wasn’t going to put myself thru that. How the Academy mishandled her case only solidified my silence. I probably wouldn’t have been able to stay at the Academy with my attacker, but he unexpectedly left.
In 1998, I graduated from the United States Coast Guard Academy. I was stationed in Ketchikan, Alaska where due to this assault I struggled with living on my own on an island far from home. I had trouble maintaining the weight standards, due to the stress and anxiety this attack placed on me. I had no friends, no family anywhere nearby I didn’t feel safe and I struggled to function. As fate would have it, I met a wonderful young man on my ship, who understood my shortfalls and loved me even though I was damaged goods. I am well aware this was inappropriate because he was enlisted and I was an officer, but 19 years later I am still with this same man who helped me through so many issues I have had over the years.
I lost my career because of this assault. I will never know what my future could have been, but I can tell you had this attack not happened my life would be different right now. In early 2017, my husband was promoted to Senior Chief. He was facing his last tour before he could retire. They cut him orders for Virginia. Within the next couple of months he was picked up for Chief Warrant Officer (CWO). Now they cut him orders for Baltimore. Then he was told that someone else was not able to fill the Warrant job they were slated for due to their family needs. So he was told they would pull his orders from him and give them to the other candidate. Then EPM slated him for Alaska. My family all went through the overseas screening where 2 of us were not recommended by our doctors to be stationed in Alaska for what would be a 3rd time for us. It’s not like we didn’t try despite the issues it causes. I already did 2 tours in Alaska even though it negatively impacted my health and I don’t think saying a 3rd time was too much now 2 people in my family would be impacted.
The other Warrant didn’t pass the overseas screening either, but instead of working with our family to offer us a different billet my husband was told to either go to Alaska unaccompanied or be deny the promotion to Warrant. We decided to turn down the promotion, but the Coast Guard did not give him his original orders to Virginia, but instead sent him to Miami, Florida. Within a matter of months he was cut official orders to 3 different billets. My sexual assault trauma and the aftermath negatively impacted my husband’s career. And because he was forced to go bachelor in Miami, Florida, I was in [REDACTED], Ohio home alone with 3 kids to care for when I was approached by CGIS concerning this case.
The investigation began on September 18, 2018 when Special Agent [REDACTED] reached out to me about my assault. He asked if he could meet with me. At this point I had a choice to make, whether to meet with him and discuss my rape or to try to bury this yet again. Just him calling me brought back unwanted memories and I hadn’t even been interviewed yet. All the feelings I had of “What did I do wrong” “Why me” etc.
Even though my husband and I have been together nearly two decades he never knew the details of my rape, he only knew something happened to me at the Academy. I had no idea how my husband would react or how it would affect our marriage. I’ve always hated the idea of anyone going through what I did, so I decided to meet with S/A [REDACTED], because I could not believe the Coast Guard would be looking into these incidents now unless something good was going to come out of it for those involved, otherwise why do it?
On September 19, 2018 I was so physically sick from thinking about what had happened and what was going to happen that I had to call in sick from work. The waiting for the meeting was so tortuous I wasn’t sure if I could get through the week.
On September 24, 2018 I met with S/A [REDACTED]. He informed me there were numerous cases which included numerous victims as well as attackers. He asked me many questions about that night. I not only had to relive the attack, I had to relive the entire Academy experience. This in and of itself was emotionally traumatizing. This is where the first of many issues with the investigation could use improvement.
I believe it would have been beneficial to at least have someone there with S/A [REDACTED] who had gone to the Academy and understood Academy life. This is not something you can learn from a book or a story. It was an experience only those that went through truly understand. S/A [REDACTED] also informed me that there was another case including the same attacker as mine. He also let slip that my attacker may live in the area I currently reside. Are you kidding me? The guy that raped me lives near me?? I was in shock and terrified!!! The United States is a big place. How could he possibly live near me? That had to be a mistake! S/A [REDACTED] back pedaled and said he could be wrong, but he’d confirm my attackers whereabouts to put me at ease.
On September 25, 2018 S/A [REDACTED] confirmed with me that my rapist, [REDACTED], did in fact live 45 miles from my current location. Remember I’m home alone with 3 kids and now I know that not only does my attacker live close to me, but they are going to go talk to him the next day. I was beside myself with worry. This caused me unnecessary stress and anxiety over where my attacker lives. I do not believe he should have ever divulged that information to me without cause. Upsetting the victim isn’t cause enough to tell me.
On September 26, 2018 S/A [REDACTED] informed me he could meet with me before meeting with [MY RAPIST]. He told me they would be notifying both my local police department and his of the investigation. I let S/A [REDACTED] know that I was very concerned with what came out of the meeting. I was concerned for my safety. Would my name be disclosed in the meeting? (As I was already aware, a victims name was brought up during the course of the investigation to another victim.) S/A [REDACTED] informed me he would meet with me after the interview. Neither one happened. Due to his flights he was unable to meet with me at all. They did inform my local police department of the situation, but that didn’t help me feel safe.
In 24 years I had never told anyone in my family about what happened to me. I couldn’t bare how that information would change how they looked at me. Now because of my emotional distress, I was forced to confide in my husband information I hadn’t shared with him before. Again reliving the entire attack with him. He was extremely concerned and feeling helpless to adequately comfort me from Miami. I was at home with my three kids by myself. This is another thing I am not sure the Coast Guard took into account when this investigation took place was the extent to which the victim, attacker, or friends/family of either could have acted out with this painful knowledge.
On October 8, 2018 I had to send an email to S/A [REDACTED] asking for an update. Here is where I see another problem during this investigation. It was nearly 3 weeks later that I had to reach out to the investigator about the case. There was no follow up at all. I think the agent should have reached out to me to at least check on me to see how I was doing within 24 hrs of the initial interview. The interview stirred up all kinds of feelings and memories. What if I remembered something relevant? What if it left me feeling suicidal, after all in my mind I’ve spent decades trying to forget this ever happened and then out of the blue I get a call that turns my world upside down. This was a very sensitive case, and many different things could have happened. My mental health and well being did not seem to be of any concern to the investigator. It was about getting the information/facts and not how that extraction hurt me the victim.
On October 10, 2018 I was referred to SAPR PM [REDACTED]. She responded to me 6 days later with information on SARC Dr. [REDACTED]. For the 3rd time I had to relive my attack again with Dr. [REDACTED]. Dr. [REDACTED] opened a case for me and helped me fill out the CG-6095. This is another area in which I think the process should have been streamlined. This is something that should have been part of the investigation. A SARC maybe should have come with S/A [REDACTED] to the interview to get this documentation started. Nearly 20 days later Dr. [REDACTED] was finally able to provide me with my SAPRR Case number as well as my CGIS case number. Soon after I tried to go online to the benefits.va.gov/benefits to try to receive help from the VA and to request my medical records. Unfortunately, the system would not recognize me.
On December 11, 2018 S/A [2ND CGIS AGENT] contacted me to set up a meeting as my case was wrapping up. It was scheduled for February 1, 2019, which gave me weeks over the holidays to fret and worry about the upcoming meeting.
On January 10, 2019 I reached out to Dr. [REDACTED] to try to get help for an overseas screening that was done in 2017. Dr [REDACTED] said my case was being sent to SARC [REDACTED]. Nearly two weeks later I still hadn’t heard from [REDACTED], so I reached out to Dr. [REDACTED] who thought Ms. [REDACTED] may not have been at work due to the government shutdown.
On January 31, 2019 I met with SAPR Program Manager [REDACTED], Senior Service Rep CAPT Cassie Kitchen, and CGIS S/A [REDACTED]. All three offered their apologies for what happened to me and explained how there are many changes being made so that if this happens again in the future there are policies and procedures in place to help the victim.
I was told by S/A [2ND CGIS AGENT] before the meeting that I could request a copy of the report. I asked for the report at this meeting and she informed me I needed to request a FOIA from [REDACTED]@uscg.mil or 202-372-[REDACTED]. I was told I need this report in order to go to the VA for help. I was also told that SARC [REDACTED] (office: 860-701-[REDACTED])([REDACTED]@uscg.mil) was a good source for help on this case.
Ms. [REDACTED] informed me that I should have been directed to Ms. [REDACTED] and she was unsure why I was sent to Dr. [REDACTED]. I then informed her that she was the one back in October had sent me to Dr. [REDACTED]. I was trying to get a copy of my overseas screening where there is documentation from my Doctor on reasons not to send me to an overseas billet. S/A [REDACTED] informed me that a SVC [Special Victims Counsel] might be more able to help me with this request and told me she would have LCDR [REDACTED] reach out to me for help.
On January 31, 2019 SVC [REDACTED] (cell:216-570-[REDACTED]) did reach out to me.(This was not the person that she had told me would reach out) He left a message he would call back tomorrow morning.
On February 1, 2019 I sent a request to Mr. [REDACTED] for the report. He informed me I needed to email efoia@uscg.mil. I further did this. I later received an email from Mr. [REDACTED] stating the case still wasn’t closed closed so this information could not be provided to me. S/A [REDACTED] apologized for the inconvenience and said she would let me know when I was able to request the report. Returned the call to SVC [REDACTED] (office:216-902-[REDACTED]). He is emailing me a form to fill out. Filled out the form. Discussed with him my question about my overseas screening. He provided me information on FOIA so that I could try to get a copy of what I was requesting.
This creates another issue during the process I feel should be addressed and streamlined. I’m frustrated just recounting the run around I went through. If someone is coming forward whether on their own or through another investigation they should automatically be given the report without having to jump through hoops. It should be easier for the victims not harder.
Lastly, I believe the Coast Guard should be helping all victims with closure of the case not just meeting with them to say “sorry”. I know this was hard due to the Statue of Limitations, but there is no statue of limitations to my fear or pain. I am also aware that there are attackers that were still in the Coast Guard when this investigation took place. I do not believe if the same thing happened today that you would provide a current member an honorable discharge after such an offense. I also feel the victims deserve a formally apology.
I was told at one point during my investigation that they would put this in my medical record. Then when I asked during the final disposition for said report, they told me absolutely not. Which makes me feel again like the Coast Guard does not support victims. I also feel victims deserve more direct help in going to the VA for assistance. Having to request and wait for a report and then trying to apply and having trouble with the VA is quite frustrating. In the end I feel I am worse off in agreeing to be a part of this investigation.
Please understand that over the last 20+ years I have had numerous medical issues associated with this attack. These issues include stress, anxiety, PTSD, self esteem issues, social anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal problems, nightmares, sexual difficulties, trouble sleeping, memory (long term loss), constant worry I have done something wrong, and hives when asked to go into an unknown environment.
I was not offered a proper coping mechanism at the Academy and I’m surprised that I was able to graduate at all. I never wanted to talk to anyone because I had an overwhelming fear of retribution if I reported this. When the Coast Guard tried to send us to Alaska where my symptoms were elevated due to location and the Coast Guard had no sympathy for my issues or how it affected my family. I was never properly counseled on benefits/entitlements when separating from the Coast Guard. I have shared with you areas of improvement hoping we may learn from these mistakes and in the future make something positive come out of something so negative.
As it stands now and with how it was handled, I regret ever talking to the CGIS agent. I will never forget what happened to me and I will never be the person I could have been before this assault occurred. It took me 24 yrs to find my voice…I would appreciate a response on what you are going to do with what I’ve shared?
Sincerely,
Ensign-A
** The author of this letter granted MLAA permission to re-publish. MLAA has not verified any of the claims or allegations made in this testimonial. Light formatting changes for readability, or redactions for PII may have been applied before publishing. **