After dating him, I would have flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks. I wish that I started seeing a therapist sooner rather than later.

** This anonymous U.S. Coast Guard Survivor Testimonial was originally submitted to “The Pettiest Officer of the U.S. Coast Guard” on Facebook in May of 2024 and re-published by MLAA. MLAA does not know the identity of the author and has not verified any of the claims or allegations made in this testimonial. Light formatting changes for readability, or redactions for PII may have been applied before publishing. **

Please keep me anonymous. I was in such a deep depression and turmoil that I mistook an ET's basic kindness as extraordinary actions as a friend. When we were dating, one of my friends told me privately that he was jealous of my friendship with someone because he is a male who is in top shape. He would be curious if that friend and I would be in the fitness center working out at the same time. I didn't know why because that friend, a married father, respected boundaries.

Slowly he started getting in my head, trying to get me to distance myself from certain friends and pouting when I would go for girls' day out. If some friends and I were involved in a hobby that he was not enjoying, he would act disappointed and walk off. I casually mentioned that I swapped duty days with someone for the next day. He got upset and stated that I should have told him so that he could request the same day off as me. He wanted so much time with me, even to be present when I worked out at the gym, chastising me if he thought that my shorts were too short or my shirt was too tight. He was slowly becoming like Gollum from LOTR, acting like I was "his precious" ring that he wanted to keep all to himself.

He wanted me to be more affectionate. I felt that something was "off," but I could not put my finger on it. He expressed that he had not been intimate with anyone in a long time and that he wanted to do so with me. He would say things like "now I know you're not that shy because you're not a virgin." I told him that I'm not comfortable doing that because I am only intimate with someone if I am in love with them. He stated that making love is a way to fall in love.

One day we were spending time together away from others and he was screaming at me because I did not live up to his expectations, accusing me of various things, lecturing me on all the great things that he's done for me. Since I'm such a disappointment, he demanded that we at least do some messing around, which I was NOT happy about. If I didn't bend to his will, I would have received more emotional abuse and more than likely physical abuse since he was a lot stronger than me. My phone was dead. I had already had a nervous breakdown that day. I recalled what performing in difficult scenes and faking it until you make it. I took a deep breath and tried to be on airplane mode as I appeased him. When it was over, I tried to comfort myself that we did not go all the way. I never saw him again. I ended things over the phone.

He insisted that he wanted to remain friends. He would ask how my new home and job were going. Then he would try to pry into my life, saying things like "I bet that your ex talks to you a lot now that you're single," and "I wish that I could have messed around with you more." He asked me if I was dating someone new. I told him no, because I was not. The next day I met someone so amazing that I told my mom that I met her future son-in-law. Soon afterwards, we were a couple.

He was furious with me. He said "It didn't take you long" and "I'm not jealous." He said that I deceived him, insisting that I should have told him about my new relationship before posting about it on social media. He said that the next time I have big news in my life, he would like to be informed before I make it well-known. I declined. This, from the person who cheated on me the day after I last saw him. I said no. He cut me off. Yay!

After dating him, I would have flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks. I wish that I started seeing a therapist sooner rather than later. A couple of years later, I was still suffering emotionally and desperate for healing, so I sent him a friendly email asking about how he likes being stationed in [state that I wanted to get orders to]. He kindly answered my questions. Many years later, he emailed me from his CG email to my CG email saying "Hey, old friend," stating that he was going to IM someone else with the same name as me, when my name popped up. He wanted to see how I was doing. I did not respond. He married a FS (now CS).

If you're dating someone who disrespects and pushes your boundaries, please leave. You deserve kindness. The longer you stay with someone that is NOT for you, the longer you delay what IS for you.