After I was sexually assaulted aboard a cutter, the Coast Guard made me feel like I wasn't worthy enough to be a victim in their eyes.

** This anonymous U.S. Coast Guard Survivor Testimonial was originally submitted to “The Pettiest Officer of the U.S. Coast Guard” on Facebook in May of 2024 and re-published by MLAA. MLAA does not know the identity of the author and has not verified any of the claims or allegations made in this testimonial. Light formatting changes for readability, or redactions for PII may have been applied before publishing. **

I have been reluctant to share my story because of how badly the Coast Guard handled the case. It makes me nervous to speak about it in a Coast Guard capacity. But seeing so many other stories being shared by brave people has given me courage. I do of course want to remain anonymous in a public setting though.

I was a non-rate on a cutter. There was rampant sexual harassment from the moment I arrived on the boat. I was immediately informed that some men on the crew had looked up my Facebook profile prior to my arrival and had made bets on who would sleep with me first. The sexual harassment was a daily thing. Comments and jokes. "Can you bend over again? I loved the view." "I will help with your drawings. What will you give me?" Unfortunately, the usual comments.

My very first port call, I had officers and chiefs continuously buying shots for me, saying I had to take them. At the time, I didn't see how big of a problem that was and was eager to fit in. And I had been told in boot camp by one of my company commanders that if you are a female in the Coast Guard, you have to either be a bitch or a slut to survive. I wanted to fit in. I admit that. I drank their shots and allowed their flirting and comments. Again, I was a brand new non-rate. Fresh out of boot camp on a cutter with only five other women. I was managing to fit in. I hated the environment. Hated myself. Was drinking heavily. Barely remembering each port call.

The BM2 on my boat, my supervisor, started to take an interest in me. He was married with kids. And he was despicable. But he was funny and charismatic and would have all the non-rates over to his house and throw parties. He started to get very possessive of me for some reason. I was dating someone that was black. When he found out, he cornered me on the boat in a secure space and said, "I will not allow you to date that ni\*\*\*r." It started to get worse. He went from someone who was my boss and funny to being threatening and perverted. I had found out he had stolen my bra on the boat. I had heard about it and confronted him. He didn't even deny it and said, "Oh ya, let me go get it. I was just holding it for you."

Then on a night out at a port call with the crew, heavy drinking was involved. I will never deny the horrible mistakes I made. And the horrible decisions I made while in the Coast Guard. And heavy alcohol abuse was one of them. I acknowledge it and regret it. That being said, I was completely intoxicated. Some of the crew helped me back to the boat. I went to my rack and passed out. I wake up to the BM2 on top of me with his hand down my pants. I am still drunk but aware enough to start shaking my head and trying to turn away from his disgusting mouth as he tries to kiss me. I attempt to push him off me and he doesn't move. I finally manage to say "STOP." He is in the female berthing area. He could easily be caught by my sleeping shipmates. He gets up after I say that. Looks down at me, says "sorry," and walks out. This is my boss. The BM2. I was so new to the Coast Guard.

The next morning, I didn't know what to do. He seeks me out and immediately in panic mode goes, "Do you remember last night? Do you know what happened? Do you remember anything?" I just shake my head and say, "No, I don't remember anything after I passed out on the boat." Afraid of what would happen if I acknowledged or confronted him on what he did. He says, "Oh good. Ok." Then walks off.

Then the real hell starts. He made my life miserable. He turned everyone on the crew against me. He would spread lies and rumors about me. He would have the other non-rates follow my movements and text him what I was doing. He would try and get me in trouble. I was a good worker. I got sailor of the quarter, leading seaman, awards. And he just tried to turn everyone against me. He succeeded. Everyone on deck force started to hate me. I couldn't sit with them on the mess deck. I had to sit with engineers. And then he would say I was being a bad shipmate to deck force because I was choosing to sit with engineers. He would scream at me in front of everyone. It was horrible. That went on for a full year. I put up with it. Used alcohol to deal. And I eventually broke. Two ambulance rides to the hospital. Suicide attempts. Psych hold.

I went to a victim advocate and said I wanted to file a RESTRICTED REPORT!!!! To a victim advocate!!! He took my report. And told the command. I had CGIS show up outside my car. Pull me into a room on base. Read me my rights! And started questioning me. Intensely! I didn't want to give a name. Afraid of consequences and retaliation. So I didn't. The command then took me off my A-school list. Until I gave a name. Said I couldn't go because they were "worried about me." So I gave the name. Then they still made me get underway with him. He was my boss. They questioned the crew. I had the crew coming up to me saying I was a liar. And I was excluded and isolated even more. It was awful.

They eventually did pull me off the boat after a Navy psychiatrist I was being forced to see during all of this called and said, "She can't keep getting underway with this guy." I was put on another boat. They concluded their investigation. CGIS called me. They said, "We believe you. But you are a bad witness. So we just can't do anything." I was heartbroken. Heartbroken. I felt like they thought I deserved what happened to me because I drank, because I had sexual relationships with too many other people. They made me feel like I wasn't worthy enough to be a victim in their eyes.

They masted him. But not for sexual assault. During the investigation, they found out he was racist. Which I knew of course. So he was masted for that. Rightfully so. But the assault wasn't mentioned or brought up. They did get him for maltreatment of a subordinate. It also turned out he had done stuff to two other women! He got out with a general discharge. Not a dishonorable.

I could go on and on about the other things that happened within the investigation and the command's involvement. Including the XO going to other crew members saying to "stay away from me because I'm nothing but trouble." Again, I will not deny some of the bad decisions I made. Involving alcohol and some of the relationships I chose. But the assault was found by investigators to be true. And a pattern with other people. But I wasn't worthy enough. And they valued the humor and "leadership" of this BM2 more.

The Coast Guard pushed me out after this. I did end up getting to go to A-school. I was honor graduate. I did well. But once I got back in the fleet, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I no longer stood by for sexual harassment jokes and comments. I stopped them. So everyone thought I was a bitch and would straight up say they didn't want me in the Coast Guard. I got out on a hardship discharge.

I stand with the #whistleblower. I believe them. Change needs to happen!