I still don't know why I didn't scream, but in that moment I was only trying to survive. I escaped the Coast Guard after 10 years & the civilian world has been much kinder.

** See Disclaimer Below **

I wish to remain anonymous, but here is some of my story:

2015: I am a fresh boot (18yo) on a now decommissioned 378. I report with one other female from boot camp. We arrive during holiday stand down, so we're given the first 5 days or so off from work. Without housing accommodations, we are assigned a hotel room together. It is NYE, and we're invited to a beach party... underaged drinking occurred, nothing in excess. We met with two other non-rates from the sister ship, both were males that I had never met before. My roommate becomes very friendly with one, the other is "stuck" with me, who is completely disinterested in any advances. I was a virgin at the time, and VERY focused on starting my CG career "right." Hah!

The day progresses, I get terribly sunburnt and after a couple drinks find myself dehydrated with a massive migraine so I return to our shared room alone (my roommate was adamant that she wanted to stay). Upon arriving in the room I fell asleep immediately. Several hours later, well past dark, the trio enters the room. My roommate and the unknown non-rate were absolutely intertwined and clearly drunk, they get into her twin bed and seemingly fall asleep. The other non-rate attempts to enter the bed with me. Appalled, I tell him to find blankets in the closet and make a pallet. We're not sharing a bed. He gets frustrated and tries forcing himself into the bed with me, but I hold my ground. Unbeknownst to me, this really pissed him off (fragile male ego not accustomed to rejection).

Fast forward 6 months and two patrols later, we are back at home port and I get invited to my first house party. This feels like a huge win for me in my young 19 yo brain as I have finally been accepted...underway was so HARD and getting qualified was an absolute battle (I was one of two females left on deck crew of roughly 30 non-rates). There was mixed company, a variety of rates and ranks, all celebrating returning from an extended ALPAT. As the party went on, I noticed the arrival of the previously rejected non-rate (let's call him SN [REDACTED]), but I wasn't alarmed. I am a few drinks in and our encounter had happened what felt like ages ago...he wasn't a thought. I joked to a friend that I had to "break the seal" as I pulled myself out of the pool and padded barefoot through the house to the restroom. Inside, the party continued, with several people casually drinking, talking, and eating. I find the bathroom and close the door behind me, peeling off my swimsuit to pee. There is a faint knock at the door. Thinking it was my girlfriend from the pool, I stay seated on the toilet and reach to crack open the door, laughing as I whispered drunkenly through the crack that she needed to wait her turn. The door was thrust open and SN [REDACTED] and I were face to face. I tried to use my foot to leverage the door closed, or at least stop it from opening further, but it was too late. He forced open the door and raped me, taking my virginity and innocence. My mind froze as I let him. He made disgusting comments while forcing himself inside of me...growling that he knew I would like his dick, and that I was playing hard to get, but that he always got what he wanted. Through tears, I told him that the bathroom window was open and that someone would hear him if he didn't stop. That seemed to break him from his rage, and he left as quietly as he came. To this day I still don't know why I didn't scream, but in that moment my only thought was to survive.

2017: I am third class and about 18mo into my first unit, there weren't any red flags as my command was generally very supportive. My SC who I was on good terms with pulls me aside one day and says that his daughter (who is my age) has been struggling finding direction and he thinks I would be a great mentor for her. He asks if I would take her out on a girl's date and talk to her.. I was thrilled at the opportunity, flattered that he thought I was the right person for the job.

A few weeks later, her and I meet up at the agreed upon spot when in walks SC. Sure, it was awkward at first but I tried rationalizing his presence. He was a really good guy, I felt I shouldn't be so paranoid. The evening went on without a hitch and I let my fears go, allowing flattery and positive attention to take the front seat in my mind. Ugh...trauma responses from childhood abandonment resurfacing HARD.

A few months later SC is set to transfer, he mentions he is having a going away party at the local VA, he invites me. I immediately agree, thinking that the whole unit was also invited...I would find out later this was not the case. I arrive at said VA, and I'm the only one from work and the youngest by about 20 years. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I allowed him to buy me ONE beer and we played a quick game of pool...he was wasted, confiding in me about his relationship with his wife, slurring on about his personal troubles, making comments about how he found me attractive, etc.

I finished my beer and told him I had to go home. He said he would wait with me for my Uber. EVERYONE in the VA that night watched as he staggered outside after me, and they didn't say a word. Thankfully SC wasn't a terrible human being, I think he was lonely, invalidated, and desperate for female attention. My night could have been much worse. As the Uber arrived he tried sliding into the back seat next to me, I gently pushed him back, repeating that he was making a mistake and to listen to me because I was saving his career. Despite my history, I wasn't afraid of him, just deeply saddened. He tried to kiss me, but I dodged it easily (again, he was very drunk) and told him to go back inside.

My faith in the system was shattered, how could a SC (decades my senior) betray my trust so deeply, he was supposed to be watching out, he was supposed to be the leader. I made it home that night where I lived alone (which he knew), and I thought about how reckless my actions had been. More prominently, I felt disappointed that the positive attention I thought I received out of merit was likely a grooming scheme to gain my trust. This hurt was different than the rape, because it felt personal . . . SC knew me, yet still viewed me as an object.

These are only 2 of 4 stories I have to share. The others were milder cases of SA (fondling) by other CG affiliates (a first class and an auxiliarist), but the two instances above impacted me at a fundamental level.

After 10 years of service, I made my escape using the vax mandate as the final nail in my CG coffin.

The civilian world has been much kinder.

** This anonymous U.S. Coast Guard Survivor Testimonial was originally submitted to “The Pettiest Officer of the U.S. Coast Guard” on Facebook in May of 2024 and re-published by MLAA. MLAA does not know the identity of the author and has not verified any of the claims or allegations made in this testimonial. Light formatting changes for readability, or redactions for PII may have been applied before publishing. **