I still have trouble sleeping most nights and have lucid dreams of someone grabbing me from behind and not being able to do anything to stop it.
** This anonymous U.S. Coast Guard Survivor Testimonial was originally submitted to “The Pettiest Officer of the U.S. Coast Guard” on Facebook in May of 2024 and re-published by MLAA. MLAA does not know the identity of the author and has not verified any of the claims or allegations made in this testimonial. Light formatting changes for readability, or redactions for PII may have been applied before publishing. **
My family and close friends know of my experience at my first unit and the depravity that occurred when I finally felt I trusted you to know that I was bisexual. You acted like you cared, that you were a true friend and a second class to a nonrate at the time that actually cared about the growth of a fellow shipmate. What ensued was something I never thought would happen to me.
I remember in great detail what you took from me that New Year's Day and the trauma I still live with to this day. It started as a friendly gathering of our duty section to celebrate the New Year's with the typical drinking and cards when we went outside together to smoke. What I didn't realize is that you would finally take advantage of the fact that I told you I was bisexual and would proceed to pin me to my car and rape me. I was lucky enough to be able to fight you off and I thought it would be over after that. When everyone finally decided to either leave or crash at my house at the time, you then proceeded to try to enforce yourself to stay in my bedroom with me. As a 23-year-old male at the time, you had me scared to my core that I slept with my bedroom door locked for the first time ever in my life as you slept on my couch.
I blame myself for what happened after that because then you proceeded to sexually assault another one of our shipmates as your partner at the time was sleeping right next to you on the couch. I will never be able to forgive myself for thinking I should have just taken it so you wouldn't have done those horrible things to my shipmate. You eventually were brought to court-martial and kicked out of the Coast Guard after my fellow shipmate came forward and I didn't say anything about what you did to me out of fear of the toxic individuals in the small boat community knowing I am bisexual.
During this time, we found out that you had been reprimanded at two of your previous units for similar actions and we're still able to stay in the Coast Guard and even be put in a position where you would be leading a duty section at a small boat station. This disgusts me and almost led to me getting out of the Coast Guard. I still suffer from not being able to sleep most nights and having lucid dreams of someone grabbing me from behind and not being able to do anything. I can't walk around in public to this day without feeling paranoid if there are people around me.
I also want to thank you though. You led me to becoming a Victim Advocate and being a voice for those that don't feel like they have one. For striving to always stand up for those around me and those I lead now. You won't ever take that away from me, I refuse to let you take away my ability to make change to not only this organization but to the world as a whole. I am not a victim, I am a survivor.
For anyone that is ever struggling, I will always be a safe space to ensure you are heard and to all of the people who cover up sexual assault in my Coast Guard, know your time is coming.